Just Another Online Dating Adventure :O)

Ok It’s been a while since I posted anything and I apologize for this.  I could give you a million and one reasons why, but it all really boils down to the fact that I just didn’t know how to explain this story to you and have you really understand why it bothers/interest me.  

This all happened about three weeks ago.  I was home checking my Hotmail to see if I had received anything interesting.  There was the normal junk, and a couple of comments about past blog postings and a couple of notices from an online dating site letting me know I had received a message.  I guess you could say I am a little OCD, when I see these notices I have to go to that site and delete the messages.  After my adventures this summer, I have decided to take a break from online dating, but I can’t bring myself to delete the account, not yet anyway.  So now my routine is to go on there and delete messages, my mind just won’t allow me to let them build up. Yes I know I know I am on the “special” side, but that’s ok, my mom tells me it makes me a catch :O) LOL

 When you get a message from someone on this site you can see their picture next to the message.  These days I normally don’t pay much attention to the pictures or the messages; again I am taking a break from all that online stuff.  Well on this particular day the picture caught my eye.  It didn’t have to do so much with the guy, but with the girl that was in the picture with him.  No no it isn’t what you think, I’m still interested in guys :O).  This girl looked very very familiar to me.  So I clicked on the picture and couldn’t believe my eyes.  The picture was of a girl I babysat when I was a teenager and the guy was her boyfriend!!!!!  I only knew he was her boyfriend because of all the pictures of him she has posted on her facebook.  I had never met him before but what she had said bout him in messages/postings and their pictures, it seemed like they were in a very serious long term relationship.  This made me curious, what could his message be about?  Were they (as a couple) on this dating site looking to add spice to their relationship?  Yes that was the first that came to mind, ONLY because there are a LOT of people who do that (just another lesson I learned this pass summer).  I couldn’t imagine the little girl that I babysat, could be looking for something like that.  My curiosity got the best of me and I opened the message and read it. 

I was sooooooo relieved to see that this wasn’t the case at all.  Little Sandy hadn’t grown up to be something that I didn’t even what to think about.  There actually wasn’t much to the message at all.  It was the same lazy message you see a lot on these sites.

 “Hey your cute.  We should hook up.” 

I know that he has no idea who I am and the only reason I know a little about who he is is because of my connection to his girlfriend on facebook.  If I hadn’t known who he was, more importantly who he was in a relationship with, I would have left it at that and deleted the message.  But again my mind doesn’t always turn off when I want it to.

I started thinking why would he be on a dating site if he is in a serious relationship?  Do guys go onto dating sites to ACTUALLY find someone or do they sometimes just want their egos rubbed?  Did she know what he was up to?  I was for sure not going to be the person to tell her.  I am not into destroying relationships in any way shape or form.  I know there are people out there who will say she should know if he is cheating or looking to cheat on her and I am not a good person to keep it from her.  The catch is I don’t really know what he was doing on that site.  Yes he may indeed be looking to step outside of their relationship, but than again maybe he just wanted to know girls could still interested in him.  Either way it isn’t my place to judge.  But I also didn’t want her to get hurt by him.  So I asked a couple of my guy friends what is the motive for dudes to go onto dating sites.  They all came back with a bunch of different reasons, like they are bored and just wants to chat, they want to keep all of their options open, and the list goes on and on.  At the very bottom of the list was that they were actually looking to meet girls.  They pretty well confirmed that girls (i.e. ME) waste a lot of time talking to guys on these sites who have NO interest in even having a date, let a lone finding a girlfriend.  One friend said I should reply and ask if he wanted to meet up with me, than I would know he is looking for more than an ego rub.  As much as I would like to be assured that Sandy isn’t going to get hurt by this guy, I am not about to put myself in the middle of it.  My curiosity wasn’t so much with this particular couple anymore as it was about guys in general and how they use these sites.  Also how girls feel about their partners having accounts on dating sites.  Do girls care if their guys are looking for a little ego boost?  Is there a line they expect their partner not to cross, e.g. Chatting is ok, but you can never meet?  Do girls use these sites for the same ego boost?  Also why or why would a dude post a picture of him and his girlfriend on a dating site?  Once again my head is spinning with questions, but no answers.  If you have any insight into this at all please let me know.

After leaving his message there for a whole week I went and deleted it.  I didn’t reply to it and I haven’t asked her how things are going with them.  I think the less I know about what is going on with them the better of we will all be.  BUT if he ever sent me a message again I would probably reply with something like “so how is Sandy doing these days?”  Just so he could know that I know.   

What to Talk About Before Your Relationship gets Serious

Obviously I am no relationship expert and am not looking to give advice to anyone on how they should or shouldn’t behave in their relationships.  But over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about my past relationships and how noticing people behave in their current ones.  This has made me think about things I will do differently if I ever find myself in a relationship again.  Here is what I have come up with, a list of six important things you need to agree on with your partner before you let your causal relationship turn serious.  Some of these you will think are obvious and others you may think are a little silly, but trust me even the silly ones are important.

Babies – Yes everyone will think this is pretty common sense.  But how many people really have the serious talk about babies until they are already very committed to one another.  By than you may have to make the hard decision to remain with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you or leave them and take the chance of finding someone who does want the same things.  I do know a couple who comprised on this.  She didn’t want babies but wanted to be married, he didn’t want to be married but did want a baby.  So they met in the middle got married and had one baby.  This seems to have worked for them, but what will work for you will depend on you what you want out of life.  Either way, you need to make sure you aren’t setting your self up for some huge sacrifices in the future.  Don’t have the baby talk on the first date or anything, but for sure before it get serious make sure you and your partner agree on the topic or a possible comprise that works for you both. 

FARTING– yup while you may think this is silly or stupid to talk about with your partner you would be wrong, very wrong.  Everyone farts, even the pretty girls who pretend they don’t know what end a fart comes out of.  It happens; there is nothing you can do about it.  Guys if you can’t handle your lady friend letting one go from time to time than you should just remain single.  Ladies if you are with someone who makes a big deal out of your toots, than you should kick them to the curb.  Yes yes we all know they don’t smell like strawberries, but really what are you going to do, hold it in and suffer in pain.  I don’t think so.  I’m not saying to let one rip on your first date or anything, but I am saying bring up the subject after a few weeks.  Than after a month or so test the waters and let a little toot out.  See what his reaction is.  Even better, if you can fart during sex and you both laugh about it, than it must be love (hehe a story for another time).  I do know a girl who says her husband can’t stand her farting around him.  She is more comfortable at work where she can let her body function normally than she is at home.  This is pretty sad, how will she be able to rely on him to help take care of her when she is old and sick or be there when you are giving birth to their baby.  All of our bodies work the same way. You guys out there just need to get over it.

Work Ethic – You might not think this is super important or maybe a little on the intrusive side.  But unless you want to take a chance of being in a serious relationship with a lump on a log and having to work three jobs to support you and your partner, you will want to know the type of work ethic your partner has.  I don’t mean asking him/her how much they make a year.  The amount of money isn’t as important as the type of work person they are.  On one hand do you want to be with someone who is a work alcoholic and you never get to see?  In this case you would be in a relationship with their paycheck and not them?  I’m not sure about you, but a paycheck is going to cuddle up with me in bed at night or rub my belly when I’m sick.  On the other hand do you want to be involved with a person who can’t drag their ass of the couch to look for a job?  In this case you would have to become the work alcoholic just to be able to support you both.  As with most things in life finding the happy medium is the key.  I want someone who has time for me, but who isn’t afraid of work either.

Peeing In Front of Each Other- Again you might think this one is silly.  But I know girls who are not allowed to pee in front of their husbands.  There is one girl whose husband asked if she could turn on the water when she pees because he doesn’t even want to hear it.  This is a little on the extreme side, but do you want to be with someone you can’t pee around?  I know that I don’t.  If he can’t handle a little tinkle, how in the heck is he supposed to handle me if I’m sick?  Even more important, if we are camping, I’m not going to pee by myself in the woods.  He would have to come with me and keep an eye out for critters.  By no means does this apply to going #2.  That time should be spent by yourself with your favorite magazine or having a chat on the phone with your mom or sisters.  Most of the best conversations happen when you’re taking a poo.

Holidays/ Family time – This one will save you many many fights in the future, if you can get it out of the way early.  You need to know how attached your partner is to his/her family.  I think family is very important and being with someone who believes the same is also important to me.  However, as with everything there is the extreme side.  I once went out with a guy who couldn’t do anything with out his family.  There was no comprise in this at all.  EVERY holiday he wanted us to spend it with his family.  He would say that his family was important to him and wanted to spend time with them, but he couldn’t understand that my family was important to me and that I also want to spend time with them.  At the end of it all I suggested that he only date girls who had no family of their own.  You need to be able to comprise with your partner and spread things out over both of your families and even include private time for you too as a couple. 

Sex – I know a lot of people will say they want to wait until they are married to have sex.  This is fine, but you have to at least have the conversation with your partner about what each of you likes and don’t like before you get married or serious.  If not you are taking the chance of marring someone you may not be sexually compatible with at all.  Everyone has their own sexually technique and preferences.  If your preferences do not match up with your partners, you could be in for a not so happy or satisfying relationship.  If you like to experiment in the bedroom, you would want to know if your partner is the same or if he/she won’t even undress with the lights on.  I am not saying you should have sex before marriage, but you do need to have the discussion with them, if you ever plan on getting to that point in your relationship.  I know a couple who waited until they were married to have sex and didn’t talk about it only to say they were going to wait.  It turned out they weren’t sexually compatible at all.  They went to a marriage counselor and everything trying to figure it out.  In the end they were just on to very different pages when it came to their sexual preferences and called it quits.         

There you have it, six things I think you need to talk about with your partner before you let your casual dating relationship turn into something more serious.  The key to all of these things is to talk to your partner.  The more you communicate the more you both will know what you are getting into. 

Please let me know if I have missed anything you feel should be on this list.  I will for sure post them too.

Beat My Wall Down or Just Drill a Couple of Holes in it??????

Generally I am a person who keeps my "wall" up around new people. I am usually the quite one trying to figure everyone out. But once I know people I am for sure the loudest in the room. I also don’t let a lot of random people into my life, but again once I trust someone I do let my guard down and fully let them in. Although after the year I have had my wall is probably a layer or two thicker. I know I know I shouldn’t punish people for the actions of others. But it is really hard to throw caution to the wind and say "come on in to my life." We are all creatures of habit and my habit it to protect my self from getting hurt in any way, shape or form.

Keeping my guard up has for the most part worked out pretty ok for me. I don’t get taken advantage of very easily, the people I do let into my life are loyal to me and I am very loyal to them. I feel like not only can they lean on me, but I can also lean on them. However, I very seldom lean on others. I am just too stubborn to ask for help. I do recognize that this is actually a weakness and not a strength of mine and hope that maybe one day I will be able to improve on it. After all the first step is to recognize there is problem :O)

My wall allows me to feel safe and more importantly in control. However, sometimes I do wonder what I might be missing out on the other side. Over the last little while I have been casually dating this guy Jim. When I met Jim he said he didn’t want a relationship of any sort. He is one of those guys who never wants to get married or settle down. This was perfect for me, as a relationship is the very last thing I want. I am just looking for a guy to hang out and have some fun with. We eat tones of pizza, drink lots of milkshakes and watch way too many movies. It is exactly what I want. While I am very relaxed around him, I do still keep that wall firmly placed between us. I have never told him anything too personal and I have never asked him over to my place. I didn’t think he would care or even notice the very large wall I had kept between us. That is until a couple of weeks ago when he asked me why I have never invited him over. It kinda took me off guard, as I had never been asked this before and honestly I didn’t think guys paid attention to things like that, especially guys who weren’t looking for any type of relationship. I asked him if it bothered him and he said no he was just curious (my gut was telling me it was a little more than curiosity). He said he though that I might have a secret like I was a hoarder, married or something weird like that. Clearly I was successful in keeping him away from my personal side if he thought that I could be a hoarder or even married.

As with everything, this got the wheels turning in my head. I know I tend to over analysis things, but I just can’t help it. I started thinking what if he was a little more interested in me than I had originally thought. Or maybe his interest has grown, I’m not sure but either way I have not invited him into the personal side of my life and he had taken a notice to it. Now what do I do? Do I just beat that wall down and tell him to come on in or do I just drill a couple little holes so he can take a little peak? I knew I was for sure not ready to lose control and take away my security blanket, and I wasn’t even sure I was ready to give him a peak. Not wanting to lose my buddy I was honest and told him I had a rough year and it had made me a little more guarded.  ~Hello!! A LITTLE more, more like a lot more guarded.~   But I couldn’t say that to him. While I was honest with him, I didn’t want him to see that whole side of me. That would have been much more than a peak on the other side.

Relationships are confusing enough, but to my surprise non-relationships are just as confusing.  I didn’t think Jim wanted a relationship and if he didn’t than why would he take notice to my large wall. Am I the first girl he has dated that has been truthful when saying "I didn’t want a relationship?" Does he want his cake and eat it too (the benefits of a relationship, but not the commitment)? Maybe it’s me who wants the cake and eat it too (the benefits of a relationship, but not the attachment). Or do I just appear a little more interesting, as he can’t figure it all out as quick as other girls? No I am NOT trying to be interesting or mysterious, I am just keeping my self protected and in one piece. Of course the more I thought about this the more things popped into my head. I wondered if my wall has kept out more than just hurt, is there another part of dating that I could be enjoying if I just let him or others in a little more. Clearly he knows I am not letting him in, so what if there is a side to him that he isn’t sharing with me because of my wall. I mean really why would he fully let his guard down if he knows I won’t do the same for him. That wouldn’t be very fare and understandable so. With this in mind I am still not sure I want to take the chance to find out though. I know the best things in life come from taking chances, but really do I want to put myself out there for more hurt and pain, when I can live a happy little life behind my wall. Yes it maybe a little on the lonely on this side from time to time, but I am in one piece and ok most days.

I did tell him that I would bite the bullet and invite him over one day. That day hasn’t come yet, but it will :O)

　

How do I know if He is Flirting with Me????

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m no smooth catch.  I’m probably as smooth as Elaine from Seinfeld dancing.  Yup that would be me in all my glory :O).  My lack of smoothness extends to flirting and any type of interactions with the opposite sex.  I don’t know how to tell if someone is actually flirting with me, and heaven forbid how to respond to it.  I guess if push came to shove I could figure it out….maybe.  But with the technology people use today to communicate, I’m really in over my head.   

I have this guy friend who I like to call my text buddy.  I call him that because he doesn’t call me, pop by to see me in person or anything else interactive.  We have actually only hung a couple of times.  But from time to time he will text me a great deal for a day or so and than drop of the radar again.  I sometimes feel it’s like booty calling minus the calling and the sex.  I am still not sure how it all started or why he wants to be in contact with me.  I think we do have similar personalities, but we don’t spend any face to face time together to know for sure.  Maybe he texts me cause he’s board and has no one better to text at that time or maybe this is the form his friendships take.  Either way it’s all a little odd to me.  I use cell phones, computers and all that as much as the next person.  But I also like to fall back on the old face to face communication as well, especially when I’m trying to figure out someone’s motives. 

Anyways once in a while it seems like his text are on the flirty side.  But than again who am I to judge this?  I’m not 100% sure I would know what flirting is even if it hit me in the face, especially not through texting.  How am I supposed to decode his motives behind just words?  Half of talking to someone is reading their body language and hearing the tones in their voice.  Take that away and all I’ve got to work with are words.  What am I suppose to do with words?  With just his words, how do I tell if he is trying to flirt with me or if he’s just farting around?  I guess I could always come right out and ask him.  But than what if he is just farting around and now he thinks I think he’s flirting with me.  That would kill the friendship pretty darn fast.  The other side is what if he is flirting with me.  Asking him maybe stepping on his ego and saying he doesn’t flirt very well, when in reality I just can’t figure it out.  I’m bit of a stubborn person and is always trying to figure things out for myself.  So instead of just telling him “I just don’t get any of this,” I am trying to figure it out for myself.  Well with your assistants that is :O).  Yes Yes I know I could save my self the trouble and headache and talk to him, but really what would be the fun in that and I really wouldn’t learn much about how guys text.

I don’t want to put specific quotes from his text in here, as he may actually be reading this and not be impressed with his texts being posted.  If you are reading this text buddy please leave an anonymous comment below and tell everyone if indeed you are trying to flirt with me or even if you think I’m a little nuts for all of this.

With out getting too specific, he has sent me text like “you should check out (insert movie title here)” or “you should go to (insert event name, date and time here)”  Does this mean he is just keeping me up to date on happings around Fort McMurray?  Or does this mean he wants to go to these things with me?  Once I did ask if he was going to the event, and his response was “hmmm maybe” well that just confused me even more.  Was I suppose to ask him to the event, should I have gone solo and looked for him there or should I have asked someone else to go with me?   My mind was hurting so bad from all of the questions spinning around in there that I didn’t bother going to the event at all.  I never asked him if he went to the event or not.  At that point I didn’t even want to know.  I put it in my head that he was just farting around and left it at that.

Leaving it at that was easy enough, until one night when I was on the POF dating site.  I noticed he had a profile on there and had selected the "wanted to meet me" option on my profile.  He has never to this day sent me any messages or tried to chat with me on that dating site.  Nor has he ever said anything to me about being on the same dating site as me.  I have never brought it up, as if figured he didn’t want to acknowledge it.  But this confused me even more.  Did he want me to quietly know he was single and looking?  Is he expecting me to make a move because he checked the meet me option on my profile?      

The very first time we hung out together was at a work event.  At the end of the night everyone signed each others book (kinda like signing a yearbook in high school).  On my book, he wrote his new number.  Why would he write his number?  I checked everyone’s book. I was the only one who got it.  So I ask you, please tell me what did that mean?  I thought that he must wanted me to have it, but why?  Why not say something to me in person?  I just chalked it up to him have one to many drinks that night and left it at that.  That was until he started texting me, than I starting wondering again. 

Since that night there have been many many text about body parts, and all kinds of stuff.  He has also brought me treats at work, but not when I’ve been there.  He does know my schedule very well.  He has to submit invoices to me several times a week and therefore knows the times I’m in the office.  While he does see him when he drops of his paperwork, it is only for a brief moment and he has never asked or talked about the text we send each other.  There was one day about an hour after I was gone home; I got a text from him that said he had left cookies for me at my office.  They were indeed my favorite kind, but anyone who knows me knows, I can’t live without chocolate chip cookies.  I rushed back to the office and got them and boy oh boy weren’t they good.  But why would he leave them after work like that?  Why not wait until the next day when he had to drop of his invoices or why not bring them to my house?  Again I was confused by his motives. 

All of this aside, I’m not even sure I want him to be flirting with me.  I haven’t been around him enough to even know if I am or could be attached to him.  As confused as I am, I do like our text and the funny stuff he says.  I mean what if he was actually flirting with me and got balls enough to ask me out, holy than what am I supposed to do?   

Oh the Smells a Single Nose will Smell

The last adult encounter I had was with my ex and that was way back in March 2011.  Since than I have only managed to have one not so great date and zero relationships.  Don’t get me wrong I am NOT looking to hook up with someone for a one night stand to fulfill a need of any sort.  But the need is still there none the less :Os 

I really didn’t notice anything was up until a couple of months ago.  What sparked my attention was that I started noticing every guy in Fort McMurray smelled amazing.  How could all the guys in this town smell soooooo good?  I mean really, with all the dirty jobs out there at least one of them had to be a stinky dude.  But no I couldn’t find one stinky guy.  When I realized that my smellers were working over time and liked every man that came with in smelling distance, I actually started to look for a stinky guy.  This wasn’t such a good idea.  No no I didn’t find a bunch of stinky people that made me want to puke.  I did however point out the fact that I must do something about this need or I just might get in trouble for going up to someone and sticking my nose on their neck and sucking off all of their man smell.  There were a couple of times that I thought I might not be able to control myself or my nose.   

One day I got into a crowded elevator in the provincial building and was standing next to this guy (I had/have no idea who he was).  I honestly couldn’t tell you what he looked like.  But I can tell you that he smelled like a combination of the woods, a little bit of soft cologne and sweet milky chocolate.  Holy it took every ounce of me not to tackle him right there, stick my nose on his neck and get a really really good wiff.  He didn’t know it, but he was lucky to be only going up a couple of floors.  I’m not sure I would have been able to control myself any longer than two floors.  Whoever you are, and if you are reading this, keep doing what you’re doing.  That was one of the best man smells ever.  It was like a drug I had a serious addiction too.  I almost followed him off the elevator, just so I could keep smelling him.

Another evening I was running on the track at MacDonald Island.  Over in the corner punching the boxing bags was this much older gentleman.  He had to be somewhere between 55 and 65 years old.  I didn’t think much of him until I ran past.  Holy moly, I thought the guy in the elevator smelled amazing.  Well that was nothing to how this man smelled.  Again I couldn’t tell you much about him only that he was an older man who boxes.  But boy oh boy that smell.  There aren’t even words to describe it.  I got goose bumps on my arms and even down the middle of my back.  It wasn’t a very good run for me that evening.  Every time I started to get close to him I would just start sucking in all of the air I could, just so I could get as much of that smell in before I went past him.  Not breathing properly while running isn’t a good idea.  I quickly turned as red as a cherry, tired out and couldn’t run any more.  But I also didn’t want to leave and no be able to take in any more of his amazing man smell.  So a very winded me started walking laps.  I think I must have been obvious or something with my breathing in as I went past him.  I am pretty sure I appeared crazy or something as he did look at me funny my last couple of laps.  Deciding that I didn’t want to appear as a crazy smelling stalker chick I finally left.  Looking back on it now, I should have left sooner, but at the same time I wish I could have bottled up his smell and took it home with me.  If it hadn’t been my crazy appearance I might have actually gone up to him and asked him what he was wearing.  But I thought that would only be adding to the crazy factor.  I figured that if I ever wanted to not be single again I should keep the crazy side on the down low.  However, with that said if any of you know who this man is please tell him he is the best smelling man ever and maybe ask him what he wears for me.

There were many many other encounters like these two for me.  I just couldn’t help but notice how good everyone smelled.  Lucky for me I was able to control my nose and didn’t get arrested for stalking anyone.  But I have to say it was the hardest couple of weeks ever.  I will say I did finally get it all of that out of my system.  How I managed to do it, is a story for another time ;O)