Sunday, 30 October 2011

What to Talk About Before Your Relationship gets Serious

Obviously I am no relationship expert and am not looking to give advice to anyone on how they should or shouldn’t behave in their relationships.  But over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about my past relationships and how noticing people behave in their current ones.  This has made me think about things I will do differently if I ever find myself in a relationship again.  Here is what I have come up with, a list of six important things you need to agree on with your partner before you let your causal relationship turn serious.  Some of these you will think are obvious and others you may think are a little silly, but trust me even the silly ones are important.

Babies – Yes everyone will think this is pretty common sense.  But how many people really have the serious talk about babies until they are already very committed to one another.  By than you may have to make the hard decision to remain with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you or leave them and take the chance of finding someone who does want the same things.  I do know a couple who comprised on this.  She didn’t want babies but wanted to be married, he didn’t want to be married but did want a baby.  So they met in the middle got married and had one baby.  This seems to have worked for them, but what will work for you will depend on you what you want out of life.  Either way, you need to make sure you aren’t setting your self up for some huge sacrifices in the future.  Don’t have the baby talk on the first date or anything, but for sure before it get serious make sure you and your partner agree on the topic or a possible comprise that works for you both. 

FARTING– yup while you may think this is silly or stupid to talk about with your partner you would be wrong, very wrong.  Everyone farts, even the pretty girls who pretend they don’t know what end a fart comes out of.  It happens; there is nothing you can do about it.  Guys if you can’t handle your lady friend letting one go from time to time than you should just remain single.  Ladies if you are with someone who makes a big deal out of your toots, than you should kick them to the curb.  Yes yes we all know they don’t smell like strawberries, but really what are you going to do, hold it in and suffer in pain.  I don’t think so.  I’m not saying to let one rip on your first date or anything, but I am saying bring up the subject after a few weeks.  Than after a month or so test the waters and let a little toot out.  See what his reaction is.  Even better, if you can fart during sex and you both laugh about it, than it must be love (hehe a story for another time).  I do know a girl who says her husband can’t stand her farting around him.  She is more comfortable at work where she can let her body function normally than she is at home.  This is pretty sad, how will she be able to rely on him to help take care of her when she is old and sick or be there when you are giving birth to their baby.  All of our bodies work the same way. You guys out there just need to get over it.

Work Ethic – You might not think this is super important or maybe a little on the intrusive side.  But unless you want to take a chance of being in a serious relationship with a lump on a log and having to work three jobs to support you and your partner, you will want to know the type of work ethic your partner has.  I don’t mean asking him/her how much they make a year.  The amount of money isn’t as important as the type of work person they are.  On one hand do you want to be with someone who is a work alcoholic and you never get to see?  In this case you would be in a relationship with their paycheck and not them?  I’m not sure about you, but a paycheck is going to cuddle up with me in bed at night or rub my belly when I’m sick.  On the other hand do you want to be involved with a person who can’t drag their ass of the couch to look for a job?  In this case you would have to become the work alcoholic just to be able to support you both.  As with most things in life finding the happy medium is the key.  I want someone who has time for me, but who isn’t afraid of work either.

Peeing In Front of Each Other- Again you might think this one is silly.  But I know girls who are not allowed to pee in front of their husbands.  There is one girl whose husband asked if she could turn on the water when she pees because he doesn’t even want to hear it.  This is a little on the extreme side, but do you want to be with someone you can’t pee around?  I know that I don’t.  If he can’t handle a little tinkle, how in the heck is he supposed to handle me if I’m sick?  Even more important, if we are camping, I’m not going to pee by myself in the woods.  He would have to come with me and keep an eye out for critters.  By no means does this apply to going #2.  That time should be spent by yourself with your favorite magazine or having a chat on the phone with your mom or sisters.  Most of the best conversations happen when you’re taking a poo.

Holidays/ Family time – This one will save you many many fights in the future, if you can get it out of the way early.  You need to know how attached your partner is to his/her family.  I think family is very important and being with someone who believes the same is also important to me.  However, as with everything there is the extreme side.  I once went out with a guy who couldn’t do anything with out his family.  There was no comprise in this at all.  EVERY holiday he wanted us to spend it with his family.  He would say that his family was important to him and wanted to spend time with them, but he couldn’t understand that my family was important to me and that I also want to spend time with them.  At the end of it all I suggested that he only date girls who had no family of their own.  You need to be able to comprise with your partner and spread things out over both of your families and even include private time for you too as a couple. 

Sex – I know a lot of people will say they want to wait until they are married to have sex.  This is fine, but you have to at least have the conversation with your partner about what each of you likes and don’t like before you get married or serious.  If not you are taking the chance of marring someone you may not be sexually compatible with at all.  Everyone has their own sexually technique and preferences.  If your preferences do not match up with your partners, you could be in for a not so happy or satisfying relationship.  If you like to experiment in the bedroom, you would want to know if your partner is the same or if he/she won’t even undress with the lights on.  I am not saying you should have sex before marriage, but you do need to have the discussion with them, if you ever plan on getting to that point in your relationship.  I know a couple who waited until they were married to have sex and didn’t talk about it only to say they were going to wait.  It turned out they weren’t sexually compatible at all.  They went to a marriage counselor and everything trying to figure it out.  In the end they were just on to very different pages when it came to their sexual preferences and called it quits.         

There you have it, six things I think you need to talk about with your partner before you let your casual dating relationship turn into something more serious.  The key to all of these things is to talk to your partner.  The more you communicate the more you both will know what you are getting into. 

Please let me know if I have missed anything you feel should be on this list.  I will for sure post them too.

1 comment:

  1. I guess you didn't miss something you already covered it all. By the way, it took time to made the relationship more serious because I do believe that it needs effort and hardwork. It's not easy to deal with a relationship you really need patience and most of all determination that no matter what happens no one will hinder you all.